I’m just after a bit of advice. I’m 30, my boyfriend is 35, we’ve been together for just over 3 years now. He was crazy about me in the beginning, said and did nice things for me, paid attention to me, pursued me, shared his feelings for me and that has all died off now (I didn’t expect it to last forever) however I’m feeling like there’s distance between us and we’re not communicating on the same level at the moment. We argue about the same issues and things seem to get blown out of proportion and then he returns to normal like nothing has happened and I’m left wondering what the hell happened and how can we just return to normal without talking. He has told me he is feeling depressed and low due to money and work and that’s why he’s angry and stressed all the time. Afterwards he said he didn’t mean it but only because I pressed him about it and asked because it was really hurtful. Because of his money problems I’ve been paying for things myself and trying to be more helpful but then he says he doesn’t need my help.
It’s the most common thing that ruins relationships all around the world
I guess what I’m wondering is should I step back and not bring this up (I don’t want to add to his stress) and just go about my life or should I raise it with him? I tend to get emotional and talk a lot during arguments whereas he pulls away so I don’t know if he doesn’t want to talk, or does but needs prompting. He has mentioned to me a couple of times that I’ve been acting differently which I’m not intentionally doing but I’m wondering if I’m starting to throw-off distance vibes myself. I’m actually at a point in the relationship where I want to have a serious talk about ily and this has been occupying my thoughts a bit where I’ve been thinking is the timing bad, how do I bring it up, what if he doesn’t want to talk about it, what if I’ve spent 3 years with him and he doesn’t want these things?
A few weeks ago we had an argument where he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore because it’s hard work even though he loves me very much
That’s why it’s so easy and so much fun. But when time goes by, we start depending on our spouse to be able to be happy. We expect them to behave in a certain way so we can feel happy and satisfied. That’s a burden no one can take. Not for long anyway, and no matter how much love we have. I suspect this has happened with the two of you as well. Also, I do believe that money and work bring him down (it’s very common too), and the reason he doesn’t want your help is because he wants to feel he can do it on his own. He wants to feel independent and free – and so do you, whether you know it or not. We all do. I think this is probably not the best time to bring up marriage. Not until you get your balance and good mood back (both of you). If I were you I would try to reduce my expectations to nothing. To be happy no matter how he acts and what he does, at least for a little while. It will empower you, remind of your self worth, and will free him from any burden of being responsible for your happiness. That’s the most attracting “mode” anyone can be in. If you give it a try, the change in his behavior (in response to yours) will be evident in no time. I hope this helps and good luck!